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Remembering Things Past (Proustian Bon Mots)
With preparing for my upcoming move to the UK (please don’t tell Umair!) I have been confronting my past while attempting to make space (both literally and symbolically) for my future. I’m struggling with this a lot.
So many conflicting emotions. One foot in, one foot out…as a former ballet dancer, shouldn’t I know these steps? But I don’t. I’m stumbling around, drunk on the past and careening towards an unknowable future, at best.
It’s both exciting and terrifyingly scary. A bit like being on a rollercoaster.
And I’ve never liked rollercoasters.
I can scream out loud all by myself, thank you very much ;)
When it comes to making decisions about what to take and what to let go of, I am realizing this: it’s the “letting go” part that is often heart rending.
“How to let go” — there’s no shortage of articles, books, and movies about this. They’re helpful, to an extent, but at the same time, it’s also profoundly mentally and emotionally destabilizing as well, too. Because: while there is an inherent feeling of liberation, and an almost sense of lightness with the “letting go” of SO much “stuff” (HOW did I manage to accumulate all of these things through the years?) there’s also a very palpable sense of finality with certain things — long dead…
