Like so many others have posted, I am incredibly moved by what you have written here. At one time in my life, this was also me. I did eventually heal with time and an understanding partner but just like you I was prescribed dilators and even now when I have my annual exams I explain how nervous they make me and ask them to always use the smallest speculum. Some providers are definitely more understanding than others. I also have CPTSD as well, too. Your partner is a wonderful and kind man. But then again you are brave and courageous and just through your words here are helping so many including myself. PS: I like the picture of you at the Japanese ceremony. I have always been enchanted by the geisha culture and think in another life I would have made a wonderful geisha! I’m sending you all good positive thoughts and vibes 💖💖💖